Quit Looking at Teh Pornos!

Alright damn it, I really, really, really wish people would stop telling me that they do not know where the virus on their computer came from. You and I both know that you know where it originated! There are two likely candidates and a third one that is iffy at best.

First, your virus came from some sort of file sharing program. I know this because I traced it to multiple infected files that reside in your “share” folder. I realize the temptation to download a “free” copy of MacGruber is simply too irresistible, but at least be smart about it and scan the damn thing before you open it! By the way, move those files after you have scanned them for the love of god! That’s how people get busted and sued. Music and movie companies don’t care about the people who download a movie or a song here and there; they want the people who are sharing those files. Just stop it. You know who you are and I hate you.


The second most likely place you got that virus is from perusing sites that feature carnal recreation (which surprisingly returns rather tame pictures on Google image search). Now, I understand, I really do, but come on. Seriously, be smart about it. I promise you none of those ads will deliver on the promises they make. Stay away from them! Believe it or not, in most cases malicious software does not originate from most adult sites, it’s the ads that slip that stuff in. Learn to install ad and script blockers. A simple search on the magical eight ball known as Google will reveal all the answers. I promise. Really.

Uh, you should probably shake it again. Just sayin'.

Finally, the least likely place to get a virus, but the one people want to blame the most: Facebook. Okay old people, Facebook by itself is not a virus. It will not magically install a virus on your computer just because your granddaughter logged in that one time last year. No, the way you get that malicious software is by clicking on every little email or link that your “friend” sends you. Also, quit installing every single little game on there that catches your eye. I sincerely believe that virtual crops are about as much fun to water as real crops.


Going back to clicking on links that show up from your “friends”. I am sure you are wondering why I am putting friends in quotations. See, here is the thing: your account as well as all of your friend’s accounts have likely been hacked at one point in time or another. Well, more likely you willingly gave your account information to some malcontents unwittingly when you signed in to play a “free” game. So now your friends are not these guys:

Awww, they're so old it makes them cute again!

Instead they are these guys:

Hello! I is pleased to meet you. I have matter of great confidentiality.

The bottom line is that malicious software is completely with in your control. Slap on some anti-virus software (the free stuff from your provider DOES NOT COUNT) and practice safe surfing. If you fail to heed my advice, that’s fine. I will be happy to take your money.



Filed under Random

4 responses to “Quit Looking at Teh Pornos!

  1. What a funny post! I literally LOL’d. 🙂

    What prompted this post? Have you read something about viruses or heard someone complaining? Have you seen the viral video about the elderly folks and their webcam? It’s kinda funny, but I wonder if there’s a virus attached if I view it. 😉

  2. I worked at an anti-virus software company providing corporate level support. You would be amazed at how many tech supports don’t even know about using protection. Fortunately, technology has improved vastly over time. Browsers can now warn you before you click a link with questionable code. But the sad thing is, and this is based off my experience only, that many people don’t set up their anti-virus software correctly. As a result, DAT files are often outdated.

    I wish more people would go to Snopes before sending out fake, urban warnings. http://www.snopes.com/ Danger, Will Robertson, DANGER! http://www.cellsea.com/ringtone/detail/RT4888cf106a23f.htm

    • Absolutely! Not only that, but most people don’t realize that there is no such thing as fool proof anti-virus. I have seriously been yelled at because it was somehow my fault that Norton or Kaspersky or whatever didn’t catch the virus. People…I swear.

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